Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Don't Hate, y0

I was going to write my response to my friends post, but in the middle of doing so I was im'd by someone I use to be close to. This made me rethink my post and head a tote different direction with it but I think it will still mesh well with the point I was going to make.

A bit into our convo he asked me "Where's the Jelly hate?" This made me think for a second. He was right, where the fuck did my hate go? Have I found my zen? My chi? Should I have attacked him for trying to start a convo with me just because it was him? Nah, just because more than one time he's suffered from Jekyll/Hyde syndrome doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve a... a... a... fifth(?) chance. No, it's not even that. Iunno. I've changed, I guess. I'm not sure if it's that I'm more forgiving (hears angels sing) or if it's that I just don't give a shit anymore.

I'm going with the don't give a shit theory. I'm not a fool & just cause I can cool my attitude that was prominent before does not mean I won't still jump your shit. I just need to justify it to myself now. Why? Mostly because I think before I act now, mostly. I asked a friend last night why do people make me feel like I'm broken? She told me that I'm not broken but I LET others make me think I am. Then she went on to quote Eleanor Roosevelt - No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (I had this at the bottom of my profile once). This is so true.

Anywho, my main fixation last night was missing my hatred but it went like this:

You: dreamer I've changed for a good not a bad right?
Dreamer Demontrond: wha??
You: I was asked earlier "wheres the jelly hate?"
Dreamer Demontrond: well iunno Sunshine
Dreamer Demontrond: u like where ur at?
You: mhm
Dreamer Demontrond: hate's a negative
You: true but it can be entertaining
Rosie Shark: lol
Dreamer Demontrond: oh yea
Dreamer Demontrond: used correctl :P
You: like hating the clippity clap of prim shoes as a hooker walks by
Dreamer Demontrond: lol
Rosie Shark: lmao
Dreamer Demontrond: oh exackery
Rosie Shark: there's the hate :D
You: lol
You: but I don't hate ppl
Dreamer Demontrond: bring THAT hate
You: like [insert starfuckin whore here], I don't hate her cause she's a cunt
Rosie Shark: it's good there's no hate
Rosie Shark: just means that you moved on

So that's that! I've moved on. :) Or mayhaps I've grown up. :o *gasp*

With all the friend discussion going on it made me realize that I could try harder as a friend. I've always thought that I was a decent friend, but I am lazy & forgetful. I'm working on that. I've said this before & I'll say it again... I'm lucky for the peeps I got. :D *nose licks & HI5s all around*


tiana meriman said...

i havent known you a long time or that much really but you never appeared to me as a hater.

i use to hate the whole wolrd a few years past and i mean hate it with a passion. recently though i realised i wasnt angry anymore, i couldnt even recall the feeling of hate.

i do think that we move on from the things that make us hate. as we live new experiences and find new people to love, we come to forget our past grudges.

Willis said...

I appreciate the use of the word "cunt", it's terribly underused!

As for your hate, can you lose mine too?!


Anonymous said...

I lost my hate when they increased the medication. *G*
Hate (bitterness) uses way to much energy that can be better used to amuse oneself and others, in less hateful ways...JB you still have your edge, we all evolve and change with the experiences, and people we meet..I think its just life. So beano, enjoy your hatefree, don't question it..you're a big girl now!