Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Adventures in an Airport (RL)

I don't post RL on here too often but just as a friend of mine is now into the "blog consolidation" stage of her life, I am just too damned lazy to start up yet another blog for those that care about Kimberlee's going ons. Oh yah, I'm Kimberlee, call me Kim and I swear I will bleed you on your lawn!!! Anywho, I only blog RL stuffs that are semi-biggish to me, ventage or funny.

Today my 13 yo daughter experienced what it was like to be an unaccompanied minor on a plane & I got to experience what it's like to be a suspected terrorist. Okay so not full blown but still inconvenient. So first we had to stand in one line, then another line, then finally the "right" line. We had arrived there almost 2 hours before her flight but after going through Agriculture, getting her actual ticket, and all the freaking lines it was close to boarding time. Finally we go through Security check-point one. Well, she went through fine, bellybutton ring and all (that was her biggest concern). I take off my shoes, purse (like a backpack), empty my front pockets, and forgot about my cell phone in my back pocket. I go through & the place lights up like a Christmas tree. :( Next thing I know, I'm pushed aside my "escort" ticket was yanked from my hand along with my i.d. and a voice comes over the loud speaker, "adult female detained at gate yada yada requesting security assistance..." OMG! They're talking about me huh? Is it me? It's me, oh gosh, it's totally me! Some huge Hawaiian woman complete with tight ass security uniform that screams for release comes over with rubber gloves & all. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless. She takes my arm & leads to me a mat with two colored footprints and tells me to put my naked feet there. I do it as she explains step by step how she's going to search me. The whole time I'm trying to explain that it was *just* my cell phone and how when I went through the 2nd time I swear I didn't beep. Didn't matter she could not be swayed. So now let's just say I feel totally violated & that was without an anal cavity search, thank goodness graciousness.

So we finally get away from that complete & utter embarrassment & they tell us to go right, left, up the escalator to the Wiki Wiki Shuttle. Hello security check point #2. That was a breeze, ha! We get there and there's no Wiki Wiki shuttle just another big mean lady. She tells me that we just missed the shuttle to gate # 2465464454564684 and that the plane has already boarded up to seat 50. Loverly, my daughter is in one of the lower digits. So I try to calmly, and by that I mean I got slightly in her face, explain to her that we would have not missed the damn wiki wiki had the security guard NOT molested me *showers again*. At this point I wasn't sure if we should try to run to the gate or beat the woman with my flip flop. Another woman showed up & called us a shuttle that oh gosh, was actually WIKI WIKI (Wiki-wiki is the Hawaiian word for quick). We get there & I shove her onto the plane, I mean... I cried a little, hugged her & said have a nice vaca! :D

I stayed til the plane backed up, watching it out the window. Then I asked the guy at the counter when I could be expecting the next shuttle. "Oh that's for departures only." Reallllllly? Well I DID NOT depart! Longer story shortened, I walked back, got lost, had a triple shot vanilla cappuccino at Starbucks, reassessed my problem of being lost & finally found my way out.
The End!


Rosie said...

I'm so relieved to know that the anonymous tip I called in about the girl with the pink hair was taken seriously! Finally, the security is tightening enough at airports!

Wrath said...

Wow, nevermind my "poor Rosie" comment on the other post, she can take care of herself, apparently, lol.

Wow, Jelly, that RL story is horrific! I hate the airports nowadays. They used to be kinda cool. Now, huge pain. Glad you survived to tell about it. :-)